For all those who don’t know, I have had some issues with Capital One. Some very troubling issues.
After significant amounts of time on hold with customer service, I decided to switch my purchasing power back to Visa. That’s when Capital One took out their “big guns”. They started throwing money at me.
Let me explain.
Capital One admitted to me that they have no idea what they are doing. For some reason unknown to them they canceled two of my credit cards. A plausible reason for the incompetence could stem from the fact that all important figures in the Capital One fraud department have been outsourced to India. In an effort to band-aid this terrible business decision Capital One has decided to hand out Ulysses S. Grant's to anyone who has a complaint.
I wonder if this specific tactic could work in the real world. I can see it now, a big bully is pushing around some smaller underclassmen. “Don’t beat me up big bully. Here, take 50 bucks.” I have a feeling the bully would take the money, and still do some face pounding.
Realizing this was a strange phenomenon, I decided to try and push my luck. I told the agent that $50 was not going to be enough. I demanded at least $100. “I am sorry sir, the maximum I am allowed to give out to frustrated customers is $50. If you would like, call again tomorrow and I will give you another $50.”
I guess their business plan is working. Apparently, $50 bills work as a good pacifier to appease angry customers when you’re outsourcing all of your telemarketing to Indians.
